Most extramarital affairs do not begin for sexual reasons, they begin for emotional ones. If your spouse is having sex outside of your marriage you probably need to consider whether or not you have been meeting them at the place of their emotional needs. Often times couples get familiar with one another and loose appreciation for each other, they stop doing the things they once did to love their partner. Often times when a cheating spouse is having sexual relations outside of the relationship, it generally has something to do with a lack of loving expressions by their mate. However, it will also say something about the adulterer, because if they are so focused on their own desires, then they are being selfish. It is also true that there are some people who are so selfish, so inwardly consuming, that it does not make a difference how much their spouse is loving them, they will still be cheating, (committing adultery).
This is a serious issue, sex outside the context of a couples union will likely cause significant issues for the relationship. Extramarital sex will tear at the core of their matrimony by splitting the most meaningful portion of their relationship, which is the foundation of trust. When integrity has been compromised by corruption, by a thoughtless selfish choice, it is likely to be quite painful for the spouse who remained faithful, and this kind of sexual activity can lead to divorce. Couples, (as well as singles), need to have a complete understanding of the bond in sexual union. This is the deepest form of love expression, it’s the most meaningful connection in relationships and should not be taken lightly.
It is well known that men are wired with a hormonal desire to have sex, for most men sex with their mate is the most significant form of love expression, (to them). Women should be aware of this, but women should also be conscious of other emotional necessities as well. Ladies, you need to stand by him, showing him and letting him know that you believe in him. Most men have fragile ego’s, so if you say to a man "that will never work, that’s stupid", you have just caused major damage to your relationship. Many women think, for some reason, that they are sent by God to humble their man, wrong! Most men do not handle criticism and rejection very well, especially coming from the most important person in their lives. Your words need to be edifying and encouraging, you need to show your love by being supportive, by speaking words of affirmation. And even if something does not work out, you need to continue to be the same. When your male partner tries to share his dreams with you and you crush them with degrading unsupportive comments, you injure your relationship, big time! WHY? Because you have just shown your husband that he can not share his dreams with you. If your husband is not telling you his dreams, consider that a major red flag! It’s time for you to talk on a serious level with him to recover what you have damaged. Remember ladies you want him to listen and be attentive to your needs, you also need to be there for his. If you have belittled your husband, understand that it won’t be long before some other woman shows up somewhere in his life complimenting him, telling him what great ideas he has, fulfilling an emotional need of his. Some women of professional men really battle with this. They get tired of hearing people praise their husbands. If you find yourself to be struggling with this you should consider praying to God and asking Him to help you discover what it is about you, that makes you exhibit feelings like that.
For most women sex is not number one on their list of emotional priorities, women are more complex, and you men need to understand that. Women respond the same way to small acts of kindness as they do to large acts of kindness. Men think they have to do something extravagant to make an impression, that is has to be something large, something special. Men may tend to make big deals of special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, and valentine’s day thinking that if they do something real fancy and really special it only needs to be occasional, (wrong). Don’t reserve love for special occasions, you should be loving your spouse daily and you could be doing so in simple acts of kindness, in thoughtfulness and consideration. Show intent of care, express your love for her by saying and doing the things that you know will touch her. If a man continues with simple acts of kindness, he will keep his wife in love with him for their entire lives. Guys instead of buying her 12 roses one time, buy her 1 rose 12 times, this will reflect your thoughtfulness and your love for her 12 times. Make plans to do things with her that share in companionship, things that 2 friends can have fun doing together. Out of consideration take time out to make the bed, clear off the table, wash the dishes, leave a little love note on the bathroom mirror.
Gentlemen, you need to also engage your wife in significant conversation, this is a meaningful way to not only express your love for her, but also to meet her emotional needs, (for a lot of women this means they talk and you listen). You can not just drift off into some distant land here, show your love by paying attention. Don’t try to give her the fixes for the things she is talking about. She does not want the fixes, she wants the quality time with you. So continue to acknowledge what she is saying and ask her about her comments in manners which show that you care about her feelings. Like, "how does that make you feel"?
Hopefully, you now see how important it is to have an otherness mind set in your relationships. If you want a faithful spouse, then make all the loving efforts you can to express your love for them, by the things you do, and by the things you say. Love in relationships is far more than sexual intercourse, love is looking to meet the other person at the source of their needs. I would suggest both partners in the relationship read "The Five Love Languages".
The key to your relationships success is knowing that neither of you are perfect, you are both going to make mistakes, you are both going to hurt each other, and therefore you will need to forgive one anothers imperfections. Much of the time people react in adverse manners to the pain that others have caused them, they get bitter instead of getting better. They want those who they feel hurt them to pain. The problem is that the only one it hurts is the one who does not forgive. Unforgiveness is like taking poison and then hoping that the other guy will die. "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". Forgiveness is an act, it is not an emotion, it has nothing to do with your emotions. You may feel the pain from what that person did to you until the day you die, it has nothing to do with forgiveness. Forgiving does not erase your memory. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. Forgiveness is a prerequisite of love.
If you truly love someone then you will forgive them out of your love for them, love is sacrificial. I Love You is an outward expression. Forgiveness is when you say; "I forgive you, I will never speak of it again, to you or to anyone else". Forgiveness has more to do with your tongue than your head or your heart. If you’re still talking about it, you have not forgiven it, you need to let it go.
When you hurt one another, be humble enough to recognize your mistakes and make every effort to earnestly apologize, and then show that you mean it by your actions. It takes time to build trust, trust is not something you build in a day. Look to integrate these love attributes into your current relationship and share them with your spouse.