In blaming your circumstances or accusing your spouse you are excusing your own personal responsibility. In other words, you are defining a scapegoat. Accusative endings occur when one or both partners reluctantly avoid taking ownership of their own choices and decisions. Many people go around twisting truths, blaming, and accusing others because they do not want to be held accountable for their own actions. Too many people are overly worried about how others will think of them, hello!, everyone makes mistakes! The truth can be very liberating, and the truth will be met by grace and forgiveness when we accept our own limitations and imperfections.
Your circumstances will delimit, characterize, and reveal you. The manner in which you respond to your circumstances is determined by your character. Circumstances are not to blame for poor marriages and failed relationships. It's the inadequate reactions to those circumstances that cause the failures. Poor reactions are most often emotionally driven, people respond with their emotions rather than their heads due to character deficiencies and inadequate mental resources, (wisdom). How often do you hear about married couples fighting over money? How often do they allow those circumstances to rule their relationship? Money is not the centerpiece of a relationship, love is, however if money has become such, then someone's character is skewed.
When you are blaming your circumstances, you are saying that the circumstances rule you. Ok, so how did you get yourself into those circumstances to begin with? Think about it, if you can be honest with yourself, you will find that you made a choice or decision some where along the line that eventually got you where you now are. You have some responsibility for your own circumstances that you need to accept. Within your circumstances are opportunities for growth advancement, we all learn from our mistakes. Your pain is teaching you something in the midst of your afflictions.
Character development will occur through life's defining experiences. The more restrictive it gets the more distensible you will become. Adversity will stretch you out to a new level of insight, it will increase your ability to respond to future circumstances, thereby overcoming your previous weaknesses and improving your overall character. Your outcomes will change with your development. You are not a victim of your circumstances, quit making excuses for your shortcomings, embrace them, and rise up to a new level of transition.
If you truly want a healthy and happy marriage you will accept, without excuses, and without procrastination your season of personal improvement. If you want things to get better, stop excusing yourself, otherwise you will only be confined by your own limitations. Excuse makers are rarely good at doing anything else, because all they do is make excuses and create scapegoats. How can one rise up if one never gets up? Making excuses is like sitting on the bench, the only thing happening is nothing.
It is better to have a partner than go it alone. Ecclesiastes 4:9
A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit. Proverbs 26:24
Don't use your freedom as an excuse to do anything you want. Use it as an opportunity to serve each other with love. Galatians 5:13
A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool's eyes wander to the ends of the earth. Proverbs 17:24