Me, Myself, and I ! Those are the top 3 reasons for most marriage issues, problems, conflicts, and failures. Both partners of the relationship need to be on the lookout for their own self-centeredness. Couples tend to become too familiar with their companion, they loose appreciation, and they begin to focus more on their own needs than on their mates needs.
I Love You, An Outward Expression
We fall in love by the way someone touches our heart, by the things they do and say. We then follow that up with saying, "I Love You". In reality, it’s more like "you love what they do for you", or "how they make you feel". It’s the love that they are expressing towards you that you are feeling, and that’s a wonderful thing, to be loved. But love is not a one way street.
So many times though love gets clogged up in the pains and hurts in life. And sometimes we get so stuck in our own emotions, in our own wants and desires that we forget what it means to love. We forget that love is something we
outwardly express by our words and actions towards others, it’s not all about how much love we can consume for ourselves, that’s not love, that’s selfishness. People tend to blame their poor relationships on incompatibility, that’s not
an accurate reference point. The truth is that conflicts are a result of selfishness and stubbornness, that’s what is prevailing in most troubled relationships. Many people today are so focused on what they want that their relationships starve, conflicts arise, and strife fills their homes. If you choose to sow seeds of love into others, you will find that you will receive love as well. Have an otherness mindset.
Everyone needs love, and other than God, we can not get all our emotional needs met by one single source. This is NOT to say that anyone should cheat on their spouses! Love comes in many forms, you can be loved by your family and your friends. You are built to have relationships and you need to have some healthy relationships with people other than your spouse.
If you really love someone and want to resolve issues you will first humble yourself, out of love, and take the initial step. Conflicts are seldomly resolved accidentally, they have to be intentionally dealt with. Where there is conflict there is guilt, where there’s guilt there is fear, and perfect love casts out fear.
Start by making sure that you are seeing the problem correctly, inwardly analyze and outwardly pray for guidance. You may find that there are issues that are within you that you need to take ownership of and accept. Don’t let your pride get in the way of your love. Then look for a good time where you can meet together in peace. When you convene be truthful about your part of the conflict, do not blame one another. Take the focus off of you and listen for their hurts. Keep in mind that people who are hurt, hurt other people. Emphasize understanding and forgiveness, start with their needs ahead of yours, the relationship itself is more important than the issue. First seek to reconcile and after that you can work on the resolutions to the problems.
Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. James 1:19
What leads to strife, discord and feud, and how do conflicts, quarrels and fighting originate among you? The arise from your own selfish and sinful desires that are always at war in side of you. You are jealous and covet what others have… You burn with envy and anger and aren’t able to obtain the gratification you seek, so you fight and war. You don’t have because you don’t ask God. James 4:1-2
Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? First take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye.
For the couples that pray together, Only 1 in 10,000 marriages end in divorce.
But it’s 1 in 2 for those who don’t pray.
Do you really love your spouse? Are you really showing it? To bring restoration to your marriage start by praying together for God to help you reconcile your differences, to help you bring forgiveness into your marriage and to help you love one another.
To increase love in your relationships, review and combine these love advice guidelines into your love relationship.