Have you ever felt hurt because some group of people or someone rejected you? I think we all have had to face rejection at numerous points in our lives and initially it’s not a emotionally pleasant feeling. Are you aware that many people reject you out of their own pain? It’s because they see something in you that in some manner touches them at the core of their being. You may not have had the slightest clue why they responded to you in the mannerism in which they did, but it was actually something good in you that made them respond to you in that repudiative manner. Have you ever considered that those points of rejection were actually advantageous to you? Sometimes we need to step back and take a look through a wide angle lens, at least in our thoughts. Is it possible that you may still be carrying some pain yourself from a rejection that was actually in your favor? This is one reason is it good not to allow yourself to be taken by your emotions. It would be better to just understand, that often times, we are where we are to benefit others in some way that we are not aware of, and that there is something better ahead of us.
Sometimes we cause our own pain by our own misguided perceptions. We get some expectation for ourselves and when others fail our expectations, we get hurt. Wouldn’t it be easier to just pinch ourselves? Now you are wondering what does this have to do with love. Well initially if we are not so focused on our wants and desires we are likely to avoid being the cause our own suffering. But we are also able to see how we are being used to effect the lives of others in a positive manner, this is where love is outwardly flowing from us. From this viewpoint we are able to see how we are being used to love others, how a purpose is being fulfilled to help, (to love), someone else and that is a great feeling! When we realize that we are impacting the lives of others in a method that is best for them, it becomes a fulfilling experience for us. The more seeds of love we plant into the lives of others, the greater the harvest we are going to have.
To open the doors for which love can flow from us, we need to know where those doors are within us. Unlocking our own love barriers will help us to experience love in it’s truest form. By looking at the diagram you can see the areas in which love must press through in order to flow externally from us.
Sometimes the area labeled I want to get even may actually mean, "I will show them", so it’s not necessarily a revenge type issue, it could be an envy issue. If you are harboring any of these feelings within you it will require some self introspection to find their sources, but also some knowledge of where these emotions stem from. By reading the article on anger you will understand that anger is not a primary emotion and you will discover what the sources of anger actually are. Sometimes we are feeling guilty or shameful about things we did not even do or we are needlessly carrying guilt feelings for things that God says are already over. In more careful examination of this flow diagram, we are able to clearly define that there is one prerequisite of love that will help us to open the gates inside us so that love can flow. That prerequisite is forgiveness. We need to forgive others for the pains we feel they have caused us, but we also need to be forgiving towards ourselves. Forgiveness will set us free from many of our own love constraints. You will know when you have forgiven, when you are no longer talking about the thing or person that you feel caused you the pain.
That leaves us with fear, we are all human and we all have had unhealthy fear experiences in our lives. Those fears have adhered themselves at a level below our conscious awareness. Initially, rather than allowing the fear to take control of you, feel the fear and let it pass through. Repeat this for future brain access, feel the fear and let it pass through. In fear you will have the feeling of apprehension, increased heart rate, and then the behavioral response to fear, which is usually fight or flight. Disconnect the components of fear, resist the behavioral response to fear. Don’t let it rule you, let it pass through you. Allowing fear to take root inside you may allow doubt, worry, anxiety, stress, confusion, and even depression to set up camp within you. Avoid allowing those things to take up residence in your head or in your heart. Learn to let your negative emotions take you where you want to go, not where they want to take you. Persistence plus fear equals courage. Process your pain in a method that will work for you.
There is no fear in love (dread does not exist) but full-grown (complete) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and (so) he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love (is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection). —1 John 4:18