The first thing to know about controlling temper is that it begins within you. Controlling your temper is a choice, it’s your choice to be mad, sad, or glad. It is you who allows your temper to control you, when you get mad with fits of rage, you are out of control. It is your self control that enables you to control your temper. When you accept responsibility for your own actions and realize that you can control your temper, you will stop allowing your personal constraints to overcome you. Everybody gets mad, and sometimes rightfully so, however we all need to learn how to better control ourselves, our responses, and our tempers.
The first step to controlling temper is humility, be humble enough to accept the fact that you can better manage your temper. Stop trying to make excuses for your own lack of self control. Take ownership of yourself, your reactions, and your proceeding actions. Consider your reactions when you are mad with your spouse, in the midst of a verbal argument, and your alternating control when your phone rings. In the midst of a fit of rage, you pick up the phone and totally control your voice and your demeanor. You do that because you do not want to be embarrassed, you don’t want others to know how you are behaving. Suddenly you are controlling your temper, you are mad, but you access and turn on the self control. Think about that, 2 seconds prior to that you were allowing your temper to get the best of you and your relationship. Controlling temper is a personal choice, you may get mad at somebody, but nobody makes you get mad.
People ordinarily go from one extreme to another when they are mad, they either shut down or they explode. When you get mad and allow your temper to control you, you lose 50 percent of your intelligence. Your angered responses represent your desire to obtain something, the question is what are you trying to obtain with your temper? What personal need are you trying to fulfill? You see, sometimes the root of our temper is selfishness. People often get mad and fight because they are trying to get their way. Many times people get mad because they don’t want to be honest, they get defensive, and they fight to deny the truth of their mistakes and inadequacies.
Controlling temper is associated with your desire to and for control. The higher your need for control, the higher your temper. Who or what are you trying to control when you get mad? People are often so busy trying to control circumstances and other people, to obtain their own desires, that they do not control themselves. When you are mad and in an argument with someone you are trying to get your way in something. You may be trying to prove your point, which may be accurate, but you are still trying to acquire a specific conclusion. When we see this aspect of ourselves within an argument, we need to due a self awareness check to ascertain if our temper is justified. Because if you have become mad due to selfishness, you do not have any right to be angry.
People generally do not react well to fiery tempers, the thing about fire is that it goes out in the presence of ashes. Like fire, you can burn down relationships when you lack control of your temper. Fire consumes everything in it’s path, and reactions that fuel fires lead to more destruction. How many times do people say the external expression, " I love you", and then turn around and burn their own houses down with their own tempers? The greater your personal level of insecurity, the more you will get mad. The more you understand your own temper, the more you will understand why people get mad, and the better your reactions to anger will be.
Expectations are windows to disappointment. Your temper is likely to flare up when you become frustrated, when you do not get your desired outcomes. How often do people impose their expectations on others in relationships, and then blow up when those expectations are not fulfilled by their spouses? Too often people go around looking for fulfillment in their lives in the wrong places, they don’t have, because they don’t ask God. You can not expect people to meet the desires in your life that only God can fulfill. Yes, you are incomplete without God and you will continue to search out for consummation until the day comes when you ask Him to be a part of your life. If you need to get control of your temper, ask God for help and relinquish your control to Him. Besides, no matter how much you fight this issue to be in control, you will be out of control until you lose your desires to control.
Often times the source of our stress, the source of our temper, is our inner desire to be in control. People often set themselves up for angry outbursts, and then they blame other people for their mad fits of rage. The best type of controlling you can do is to control yourself. When people say things to demean or degrade you realize that they are likely to have a self esteem issue, it’s not about you, their issues are theirs. Do not allow others to intimidate you into angry responses. You can control your reactions to the immaturity of others, besides it does not matter what other people may think of you. The only thing that matters is what God thinks of you. When you are in control, you will not allow others to provoke you into saying or doing foolish things.
When you allow yourself to get mad beyond a reasonable level of control, you play the fool. Your character will be displayed under tempers tension. Your personal level of maturity will be exposed by your self control or by your lack of control. Some people need to also learn how to control their levels of toxicity, as alcohol is a brawler. Alcohol brings the conscious exclusion of unacceptable thoughts and desires, it revokes peoples ability to control themselves. Many people drink because they are covering up previous pains and unforgiven hurts. Because the pain is a primary emotion of anger, the alcohol may actually combine with the inner rage to bring about a full eruption of temper.
The beginnings of temper control begin with you, controlling temper begins with thinking behaviors. Change the way you think and you will drastically change your outcomes. Begin with humble attitudes, positive thinking mannerisms, and wisdom. Do some self introspection, examine your inner being, remove the prideful and selfish blockades within you. Choose to think first before reacting with emotional garbage, guard your tongue, remain in control, do not be overcome, but rather overcome with love. Read more on controlling anger >
An angry person stirs up a fight, and a hothead does much wrong. Proverbs 29:22
Let there be no hate in your heart for your brother; but you may make a protest to your neighbor, so that he may be stopped from doing evil. Do not make attempts to get equal with one who has done you wrong, or keep hard feelings against the children of your people, but have love for your neighbor as for yourself: I am the Lord. Leviticus 19:17-18
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Psalm 4:4
Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9
Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments. You know they cause quarrels. 2 Timothy 2:23
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:25-27