Are you confused by the title? You think you know, and then you find out that you didn’t know. You don’t know, what you don’t know, yet! Many of us think or act like we know, but then some enlightenment comes and shows us that we don’t always know. Life is a continuous cycle of learning what we don’t know. When we accept and realize that we are not know it all’s, then we will find those things that we don’t know. Finding out what we don’t know begins with humility and a desire for growth expansion.
So let’s begin with this question; Do you think you know all there is to know about yourself, your partner, and relationships? Honestly, outside of God, nobody knows all those things, not even about their own selves, although they might think they know. Did you know that in your eye there is a small oval-shaped area of the retina which is unable to see? There are places we have that lack sight and lack insight. We can be parochial, which means to be narrowly restricted in outlook or scope. There are also things that we are just not consciously aware of, and things we don’t wanna be consciously aware of, due to our desires to ignore our imperfections.
In order for you to gain insight and know things about others, you must first know more about yourself. And even when you do this, actual knowing can be in lack. Think about the last time your spouse had a headache, at some level you remembered that headaches are painful from your own experience, but because you are not experiencing your spouses pain, you still do not fully know how they are really feeling. You do not have their headache, so your spouses pain actually eludes your full comprehension. If your spouse snaps at you during this time, because of the way they are feeling, you may still lack full understanding. So even when you are aware, you still may not fully know.
Sometimes our spouses, friends, or even passerby’s may actually point something out to us that we are unaware of. You don’t know, necessarily, what you think you know. Then somebody tells you that the tag on your shirt is hanging out, your shirt is on backwards, your fly is down, or perhaps your shoes are untied. Suddenly you look at yourself and realize that they are right, you may feel a little embarrassed, but you probably thank them for pointing out to you what you did not know. It’s not so much a matter of being found out, as it is a matter of being found human.
Now there are other times when someone, such as your spouse, points out something to you, about you, that you find offensive. You get all hurt, you act like they meant it to hurt you, you get mad at them for telling you something that you did not know about yourself. Some people actually perceive this kind of thing as belittling, downplaying, or being negative, when in truth they were actually helping you to overcome an area of yourself that could use some growth. But, your ego wants to have the illusional perspective of perfection, so you get all upset with the other person. Perhaps, do to your lack of emotional control, you decide to fight back and start telling them off, actually belittling them in an attempt to protect and keep your own false pretenses.
When your spouse let’s you know that you are out of line, acting foolish, or just plain wrong, it can be beneficial to you. We all need someone who loves us enough to give us the truth in love. There is a difference though, between beating someone over the head with something, and just pointing out what we don’t know. Some people continue to harp on stuff as if they were picking at a nasty scab, that can be due to their own feelings of inadequacy. At other times, they may not be harping on it, but they could be holding you accountable for your own benefit. There are things about ourselves that we need to take ownership of, if we don’t accept our own shortcomings, they will remain stumbling blocks for us. It is better for us to come out of our self imposed limitations, and it’s better for our relationships as well.
Why do you suppose it is, that we don’t want to know things, that our spouses point out to us? What is it in us that does not want to hear it from our spouses? Often times we will accept things from an outsider, but we want to remain perfect in the eyes of our marriage partners. There are things about us that we don’t know that only others can see. As we mature, we change our reactions to the things that we once took as offensive. We instead take the time to look at ourselves, and in humility, we realize our blemishes so that we can improve on the areas of weakness within us. Somewhere along the line we drop our pride and pick up our own growth mechanism. Are you aware of your right foot at this instance? You were not, until I brought it to your attention. See, you need others to help you with your own personal awareness.
There is a place on the map called denial, it inhibits our abilities to overcome exterior issues due to interior obstacles. Denial is the blocking of information, (the facts), that someone does not want to deal with. The greatest culprit of our denial is our own personal pride. There is also a place on the map called repression, repression is the blocking of the feelings of something a person does not want to deal with. We all do or have done these things, but our knowing comes when we do not impede ourselves.
Finally there is another place on the map that is sometimes below our conscious level of awareness, and that is often on the edge of our feelings. It’s a place where people in some ways feel overcome within themselves, it’s a place where they have allowed defeat to subdue their thoughts. It’s a place where there is an over emphasis of an illness or weakness, for the purpose of evading or controlling a painful or fearful situations. Often we are defeated by our own inner hindrances, we don’t get back up because we are too busy playing the poor me song for everybody else to hear. Quit playing that defeated song, you are not defeated, you have only learned some things that do not work. Apparently you do not know what does work, because you stopped looking for what you don’t know.
For wisdom is greater than jewels; And all desirable things cannot compare with her. Proverbs 8:11