Cohesion is the state of cohering or sticking together. Married couples and those in relationships need to be able to verbally express themselves in a healthy fashion. When two people are communicating they are in a process of building togetherness and connecting in love. Love builds up and love says I care, each partner needs to be able to voice themselves and be open to listening to one another. Women and men are both wired differently, generally speaking, an average woman will say 15,000 words in a given day, a man only speaks about 5,000. Couples need to be communicating in a manner that they know that their partner will understand, and they both need to be paying attention to what the other is saying with attentive ears, (when the time is right).
Men are generally single task oriented, they generally focus specifically on one thing at a time. Women, on the other hand are more multitask inclined. A woman might be cooking dinner, reading a cookbook, listening to the television, and talking on the telephone at the same time. A man reading a article is solely focused on the one thing he is doing, and that is reading the article. Their are times when your guy will not appear to be doing anything, he may be internalizing some issues, this is how he deals with things. Women need to be able to discern this behavior so that they realize where he is at. When your man is in this state, it is best to allow him to do his thing. This is not the time to come up to him and ask him 10 times what is wrong, (he may find that annoying), this is the time to leave him alone. Ladies think the best resolution for their spouse is to talk things out, no…..that’s the best resolution for women. So ladies you need to be perceptive and understand when the right times are for talking.
Guys need to realize that their wives need to connect with them verbally, women need to be communicating their desires, opinions, and feelings. Men you need to understand this and be willing to put down the sunday paper and give her your undivided attention, (cause you can not divide your attention in a manner that she is able to). Wives, if he is concentrated on whatever he was doing, give him a moment to adjust his attention to you. Now husbands, you need to understand that your wife needs you to be listening to her. She does not need you to try to fix all the topics or issues that she may bring up, understand that’s your resolution, not her need. The best way for you to show her love is to connect with her at her level, not at yours.
Articulation is the act of joining things in such a way that motion is possible. Couples need to be looking to meet one another where their needs are, that’s what love connecting is. These connections will draw you closer to one another, your bonding will become more significant because there is communication at a cohesion level.
There are times when our level of communicating is influenced by our emotional states, couples will not always agree on everything, and controversy will appear. We all need to learn how to control our emotional responses so that we can have healthy communication, even when we have opposing views. It is important at this level of communication that you are being honest, many people truly feel they are honest, even when they are being dishonest. Before you can be honest with others, you must first be honest with yourself and with God. This is where so many arguments arise, because one or both of the partners are not being honest. Many people will be dishonest about things that they do not want to take ownership of. In these cases they are not only lying to their spouses, but they are also being dishonest with themselves. Pride has taken over in their communicating and they respond defensively rather than humbly taking ownership of their shortcomings. To be strong you must first admit that you are weak. For the health of our relationships we need to put down your pride and accept our shortcomings. Nobody is perfect, so do not allow guilt, shame, or fear to take control over you and rule you and your communicating abilities. Besides this is an opportunity for your spouse to love you more, to love you is to love your imperfections. You need to give them that chance, and you will find that it’s really quite liberating to open up and be honest with each other. Moreover, you will draw closer in your togetherness by doing so. Remember that success in relationships does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.
One more very important note on connecting in communication, for couples that pray together, Only 1 in 10,000 marriages end in divorce. But it’s 1 in 2 for those who don’t pray.
An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. Proverbs 24:26
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. Proverbs 10:12
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor…. Ephesians 4:25
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29