(You should not tolerate physical abuse in relationships, you should seek safe refuge and assistance.)
The first thing you should know about verbal abuse in relationships is that there is no love in verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is a like snake talking with it’s venom, it’s not just mean, it’s evil. Abusive language, speech, and words, voice malevolence by virtue of being malicious, spiteful, and nasty. People whose speech is harmful in nature or influence lack love. They malign, speak unfavorably about and to others, and they are likely to gossip. The malicious tongues of gossipers verbally abuse others by spreading their poisons. Make a personal note here about verbal abuse, if someone is gossiping to you, they will most likely gossip about you.
Often the abusive defamation, (an abusive attack on another person’s character or good name), by means of belittling or degrading is purposeful. Those who suffer from low self-esteem will deliberately vocally demean others in futile attempts to raise themselves up. In others, the verbally abusive speech may be meant to control or manipulate someone with the intentions of acquiring some self-serving results. There are men and women alike who will use verbal abuse to demean a potential mate into a sexual lure. Initially, they attempt to emotionally degrade their potential victim by demeaning them so that they may be more easily overcome. This is just one reason not to be influenced by what others think of you. Allowing yourself to be degraded by the comments or opinions of others is dangerous to you.
There are those who cry out about verbal abuse in their own relationships whom are hypocritical. Some use this in denial, as a means to ignore their own foul mouths. Before you consider talking about how someone else verbally abuses you, you need to do a verbal abuse self awareness check. Sometimes what you see coming from others, mirrors what you yourself have done to them. Verbal poison is infectious, it spreads evil with tumors growth. After all, do you really know anyone who has never been a gossip, or who has never partaken in some kind of abusive speech or language? Chances are you can’t say that you have never spoken abusively yourself, right? Anyone who thinks they are perfect are only fooling themselves.
Often times the verbal abuse comes with foul abusive language, you know those 4 letter abusive words that are spoken as if there was nothing foul in them, (obscenity). Obscenity is defined as an offensive or indecent word or phrase. But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and it is those things that make a person unclean. It is out of the heart that evil thoughts come, as well as murder, adultery, sexual immorality, stealing, false testimony, and slander. (Matthew 15:18-19). In Ephesians 5:6 it says; Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking which are out of place.
Unfortunately there are many who suffer from verbal abuse in their relationships. It’s not just husbands who are verbally abusive to their wife’s, but also the wife’s who verbally abuse their husbands. How many wives do you hear of speaking negatively about their husbands? Many women often verbally abuse their husbands with belittling speech as if they were sent by God to humble their husbands. How often do you hear men complaining about their wives? How often do you see couples verbally abusing each other with darts of bitterness?
After having first checked your own language behavior, you should be able to ascertain if you have contributed to the verbal abuse in your relationship. You may now realize that you have some verbal deficiencies of your own, and that you both may be in need of some language behavior lessons. On the other hand you may have primarily determined that the verbal abuse comes mainly from your spouse. Whatever the case may be, it is time to get an understanding of the source of the verbal abuse. Love needs to ask this question; What is it in you or in the other person that causes the verbal abuse to rise up? Then, with love, what is the best way to address the issue? Love looks intently for the best way to meet the needs of others, love reaches out to help, and love does not condemn. The first thing you need to do is to ask God for help with the issue, reach out to Him in prayer, and be open to His answer.