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An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
- Irv Kupcinet
We're having something a little different this year for
Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey,
we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. - George Carlin
You know that
just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old
Native American woman saying, "Don't feed them. If you feed
them, they'll never leave. - Dylan Brody
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For
example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving
turkey. They prefer to buy the bird live and then push it in front
of a subway train. - David Letterman
At Thanksgiving, my mom always makes too much food, especially one
item, like 700 or 800 pounds of sweet potatoes. She's got to push
it during the meal. "Did you get some sweet potatoes? There's
sweet potatoes. They're hot. There's more in the oven, some more
in the garage. The rest are at the Johnson's." - Louie
Anderson
It wasn't
easy telling my family that I'm gay. I made my carefully worded
announcement at Thanksgiving. It was very Norman Rockwell. I said,
"Mom, would you please pass the gravy to a homosexual?"
She passed it to my father. A terrible scene followed. - Bob Smith
When I was a
kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year
ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following
Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of
thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding.
It was the cat. - David Letterman
Thanksgiving like contentment is a learned attribute. The person
who hasn't learned to be content we will not be thankful for he
lives with the delusion he deserves more or something better. -
Robert Flatt
Pride slays thanksgiving, but a humble mind is the soil out of
which thanks naturally grow. A proud man is seldom a grateful man,
for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves. - Henry Ward
Beecher
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